I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
