3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
