There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
