im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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