I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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