if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
