I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
