The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
