k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
