last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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