Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
