He is an equal opportunity slut.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
