I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
