Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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