bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
