I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
