If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
