I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
