I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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