We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
