The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
