She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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