Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
