I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
