My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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