But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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