There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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