she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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