he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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