I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
