I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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