We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
