His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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