i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
