How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
