im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
