I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
