weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
