just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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