I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
