I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
