Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
