my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I AM VODKA MAN
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
