I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
