I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
