Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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