YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
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