STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
