i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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