so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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